He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
