I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
