someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
