Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
