I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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