I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
