Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're using joints as your birthday candles
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
