'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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