By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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