I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
is wine microwaveable?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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