how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
