Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
