I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
