living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
