Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
