my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
