I just pynch a tree in the face
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
