If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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