Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
