Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
