I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
