my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
