i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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