UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
