Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
