My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
