What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
