i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize