I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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