ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
