OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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