My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
