oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize