Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
