ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
MIDGETS
????
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
