OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
