I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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