well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you never un-have a 4some
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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