But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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