I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
