Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember