Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock