Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker