Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
