He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.