Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the day after is always just damage control
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.