you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
