Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
