so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
