Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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