We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
