Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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