i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My liver just had a heart attack.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
