i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
