beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
