I'm going to rape someone's good day.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
