I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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