I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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