Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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