i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
