so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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