we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
