i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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