thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
