when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
