Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
