I heard we made out
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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