p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
