so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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