Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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