I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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