Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
