My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
