Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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