Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
