what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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